Mamapants Rants

HUGE milestone and upcoming milestone

2012-02-11T10:22:00.004-06:00

So I haven't talked about it here, but I got a new job!! I'm so excited about it. I'm going to be working in the Human Resources department of the college I attended many moons ago. In fact, one awesome benefit is the fact that I'll be able to work on my degree.

That's not what I wanted to write about though.

I realized this week that I am harboring a double standard and it's eating me up inside.

You see, my job starts on March 1st, and it's in Illinois. That means that two weeks from today, I will have to get in a car and find it within myself to somehow drive away from my children for a while. And it's killing me.

I *know* that this is the right thing to do. We need me to have a job. We are drowning financially. This is a great opportunity and I'm so excited about it. It's a GREAT job for a FANTASTIC employer and our family is really looking forward to this exciting change.

But we don't have a job for Michael yet, and we have to sell our house, and we can't afford two households concurrently. So I have to go by myself for a while, find the smallest furnished place I can find, and work towards reuniting the family as quickly as we can.

(Side note - yes, Cory will get to stay here to finish senior year. Also a tough decision and another blog for another day.)

So what's the double standard that's killing me? Well, if Michael had been the one to get the job first, I wouldn't have thought too much about it. Of course he'd go ahead and get established and the children and I would follow as quickly as we could. I know he wouldn't want to be away from us, but he'd do it and no one would think less of him for doing so.

But my heart starts pounding to think of leaving my children. My chest tightens. My hands get all clammy. Can I do this? Can I actually get in a car and watch them get smaller in the rearview mirror not knowing for certain when we'll all be back together? What kind of mother am I?!?

Well, I'm the kind of mother who is willing to make the tough choices for the long-term. For their sake's, I'll have to find a way to not only do it, but to do it with a smile on my face. Of course, the moment they are out of sight, I think I will wail all the way to the state line of Texas at the earliest.

They are young. They are resilient. The time will fly for them. I'm not saying that they won't miss me. Of course, they will. I've never been away from them longer than 4-5 days in their entire lives. But they'll have Daddy. They'll have Grandma. They'll have familiar surroundings and regular routines. I know that this is the best thing for them - but it physically hurts me just to think about it.

And part of what's upsetting me so much is that I'll have no control over how long it takes them to come up to me. I can't control what happens with Michael's job. I can't control how fast the house sells. All I can do is get up to the new job, live as frugally as possible, and pray without ceasing for all the right answers to be clear, apparent, and for the transition to happen rapidly.

I would expect Michael to be able to do it if our positions were reversed. I have to find a way to do it.

But how can I?

I know that many families make these decisions and it works out. In the long-term, I'm sure it will all work out and looking back on it, it won't have been as long or horrendous as I currently dread. And I haven't been talking about it much because I honestly don't want to hear well-meaning advise about it. This is the hardest thing I've ever thought about doing and I'm not sure I can really listen objectively to anything anyone has to say on the matter.

I know that it won't be all fun and games for Michael either. Working full-time, looking for a job, taking care of the children, and continuing to pack up the house and get it listed. That's a LOT to take on. He has my mother, and she's amazing. Without her, we wouldn't have been able to accept this opportunity. And if there was any way to make it all come together differently, I would. I wish more than anything that I could take them all with me, and have him catch up when he's found a job. But we can't afford to make our house payments now, let alone take on a second house payment in the form of renting a second place big enough for the family on the other end.

We'll both have to be incredibly supportive of each other and what we are doing for the long-term good of the family. It would be easy to resent what the other person has. Our relationship is strong, and it will have to be to make it through this gracefully. Especially the longer it goes on.

We have decided that there is an end date. We have decided the longest we'd stay apart before just biting the bullet and all getting back together. Of course, that's all fine to say, but we can't walk away from this house in any case, nor can he walk away from his job until he has something else lined up. So I'm not sure what that proposed "end date" truly counts for.

In the end, I can't control this and that's incredibly hard for me.

And if I'm just not blogging much, I hope you'll understand.

-l

Current Craving

2012-02-08T15:01:00.000-06:00

Current Craving: a mug of hot Irish tea

Reading right now

2012-02-08T12:53:00.001-06:00

Reading right now: Out of Oz by Gregory Maguire and Son of Neptune by Rick Riordan

Warning - sad post

2012-02-06T22:17:00.005-06:00

I'll be honest, I don't like to indulge in sadness. So it's hard for me to admit that some of the fun of the blog has just plain drained away since the loss of my Aunt June. She read it every single day. She nudged me if I didn't post fast enough, or enough pictures of the kids, or enough pictures of me, or enough of the "how to annoy me"'s that she thought were so funny. She sent me regular emails about things she'd read. She showed it to her friends and coworkers who always wanted more stories about The Potatie.

She was a complicated person, not always willing to be happy, sometimes rough around the edges in ways that hurt a little, but always go generous, so giving, and always my friend.

And some of the fun of writing for the blog just isn't there since in a very real way it often felt like I was writing it just for her.

I love you, June. You will always be a rock star to me.

-k

Watching right now

2012-02-06T22:17:00.001-06:00

Watching right now: the calendar

Today I'm grateful for

2012-02-06T22:16:00.000-06:00

Today I'm grateful for: the incredible beauty that happens when what you want and what you get are actually the same thing!!

Movie Review: Conan (the re-do)

2012-02-02T22:45:00.001-06:00

The only thing worse than a really bad movie is a really bad movie that drastically overstays its already tenuous welcome.

Is there any way this movie *didn't* stink?

No.

Nuff said.

-k

Watching right now

2012-02-02T18:57:00.001-06:00

Watching right now: the new Conan movie. I don't have high expectations.

Current Craving

2012-02-02T18:56:00.001-06:00

Current Craving: Dark Mayan Chocolate ice cream by Haagen Daaz. But here's the catch. They don't MAKE THIS FLAVOR ANYMORE.

Current Craving

2012-02-01T13:29:00.001-06:00

Current Craving: a specific phone call with a specific message.

Watching right now

2012-02-01T13:28:00.002-06:00

Watching right now: Disney's animated Tarzan

Reading right now

2012-02-01T13:28:00.001-06:00

Reading right now: Fablehaven: Book Five by Brandon Mull and Out of Oz by Gregory Maguire

How to annoy me

2012-01-31T20:44:00.001-06:00

How to annoy me: Sometimes my eye stings a little bit, so I rub it. AND IT FLAMES WITH THE PAIN OF A THOUSAND SUNS. Seriously, are my hands coated in some form of corrosive acid?

And this isn't a new/unusual thing for me, so I admit to the irritation that I should know better by now.

Reading right now

2012-01-31T20:39:00.001-06:00

Reading right now: Fablehaven: Book Four by Brandon Mull and Out of Oz by Gregory Maguire

Watching right now

2012-01-31T20:38:00.001-06:00

Watching right now: Underworld 1 (we enjoy this series)

Watching right now

2012-01-31T09:05:00.001-06:00

Watching right now: Face/Off (make-up, special effects show)

Movie Review: Priest

2012-01-29T22:47:00.004-06:00

What it had going for it: the always excellent Paul Bettany in the lead role and the sleek post apocalyptic style based on the graphic novel from which the movie was drawn.

What it had going against it: everything else.

It was a cliche from the beginning. And in the middle. And at the end. From the first few moments of set up, it was clear who the bad guy was going to be and that it was going to haunt Priest (Bettany). From the first moments, it was clear that there was going to be extreme antagonism from the rest of the clergy, particularly the Monsignor played by Christopher Plummer.

I give it credit that it didn't rely *too* heavily on CG. There was a lot of excellent make-up work and some lovely wire-based fight scenes. The use of colors, or more accurately the lack of color, was powerful if not original.

It was clearly set up for a sequel. I doubt it is going to get one. Which is almost too bad, because the sequel might have been more interesting. A showdown between the Priest and the Queen might have been more worthwhile than the big climax of this movie.

It was worth the $1.20 we paid to Redbox it, but not a penny more, really.

-k

Watching right now

2012-01-29T19:37:00.001-06:00

Watching right now: Priest

How to annoy me

2012-01-27T20:39:00.001-06:00

How to annoy me: My children don't see anything wrong with putting their feet on my pillows. I don't see anything wrong with suffocating them with those pillows.

Reading right now

2012-01-27T20:24:00.003-06:00

Reading right now: Fablehaven: Book Three by Brandon Mull and Out of Oz by Gregory Maguire

Current Craving

2012-01-27T20:24:00.001-06:00

Current Craving: a cardigan made out of alpaca yarn... and just the time to do it would be lovely! I prefer homemade!

Be it known

2012-01-27T20:22:00.001-06:00

Be in known that at 4:39 p.m., I went to check on the kids because they were playing quietly, which always strikes fear into the hearts of moms. And they were... just playing quietly. Wow. Seemed worth noting.

Now, at 4:41 p.m., that moment was over... but still...

-k

It was time

2012-01-24T11:22:00.003-06:00

I have enjoyed each and every single day I spent with blue hair.

But it was starting to turn colors and I either needed to redo it or undo it. I wanted with all my heart to redo it. Nothing is cooler than dark, shiny, vibrant blue hair and I adored it.

But I'm also job hunting and I realized that this wasn't the time for blue hair.

So... first I pulled out as much of the blue as I could get out... although you'll notice it left behind a significant amount of pink...

And then I put a little toner on it to make it a gorgeous shade of blonde, that matches EXACTLY the color of the ends of Katie's hair!!

So tah-dah! Welcome to me as a blonde!

Michael loves it, although honestly he liked it better lighter even with the pink streaks, but I don't DO pink.

-k

Reading right now

2012-01-24T11:21:00.001-06:00

Reading right now: Fablehaven: Book One by Brandon Mull and Out of Oz by Gregory Maguire

How to annoy me

2012-01-22T18:18:00.000-06:00

How to annoy me: I realize that with free child labor you get what you paid for (minus food, lodging etc) - but it IS disappointing that a 17 year old can screw up PREMADE COOKIE DOUGH. Where are your survival skills, young man? Mommy raised you better than this.

Reading right now

2012-01-22T18:17:00.001-06:00

Reading right now: The Chronicles of Harris Burdick and Out of Oz by Gregory Maguire

The Children's Museum

2012-01-21T15:16:00.001-06:00

We went to the Children's Museum here in town this morning, and Mommy took a BILLION pictures. Here are my favorites!

Lunch With Daddy

2012-01-21T15:14:00.002-06:00

Ian drew a portrait of Michael in catsup!

The artist himself.

Okay, so she didn't paint him in catsup. But she DID give him some sugar!

-k

Current Craving

2012-01-18T14:29:00.000-06:00

Current Craving: snow. I have a jealous of my friends in snowier parts of the world!

How to make me laugh

2012-01-18T13:48:00.002-06:00

Actual Conversation:

Me: Katie, would you like to have lunch with Daddy today?
Katie: (gets up immediately) Yes, we're going to BWR (her favorite restaurant).
Me: No, we can't do that one today. We're going to Taco Bell.
Katie: Well, I'm not.
Me: (eyebrows raised) Oh, you're not?
Katie: Nope. Let's go to Freddie's. Because when I eat my lunch all gone, I get ice cream.
Me: Well, that's hard to argue.
Katie: Yup. Call Daddy and tell 'im. He can meet us there.

I willn't

2012-01-17T09:47:00.000-06:00

In the quest for a better truer sense of self, I am standing up to my biggest bully today. Me. Or at least that wretched inner voice that claims to be mine that says mean spiteful or doubtful little things about me. I would never speak to a friend or even someone I didn't like that way. I simply won't behave that way towards myself either.

Or as Katie says "I willn't".

-k

Latest Milestone

2012-01-17T09:36:00.001-06:00

Latest Milestone: CORY PASSED GERMAN!!!!!

How to make me laugh

2012-01-17T09:35:00.001-06:00

How to make me laugh: Talking with Grandma Bob in the kitchen this morning and Katie our little clothes diva comes in, asking for another new outfit. I send her to her closet to get whatever she wants to change into, and make a comment quietly to Grandma Bob. Not quietly enough, apparently, because from the hallway I hear "Not funny, Mom."

Current Craving

2012-01-17T08:44:00.001-06:00

Current Craving: undyed yarn base for dyeing!

Reading right now

2012-01-17T08:37:00.001-06:00

Reading right now: Septimus Heap: Darke by Angie Sage (Book Six) and the Chronicles of Harris Burdick!!

Watching right now

2012-01-14T20:04:00.001-06:00

Watching right now: Firefly!!

Latest Milestone

2012-01-14T19:50:00.001-06:00

Latest Milestone: Michael had sushi with me for dinner and liked it! Michael, Mom, and I had a really nice dinner at a sushi place here in town, tried lots of new things, and are now quite pleasantly full.

Today I'm grateful for

2012-01-09T17:50:00.001-06:00

Today I'm grateful for: the kindness and thoughtfulness of my friends!

Current Craving

2012-01-09T17:49:00.001-06:00

Current Craving: a nice cup of irish tea

Dear Universe

2012-01-09T11:07:00.000-06:00

Dear Universe,

You're into balance, right? Well, it only seems right and fair then that You should pile some GOOD news on me for a while. So let's get on with that. Okay?

Love You, mean it,
me

Watching right now & Movie Review: Lars and the Real Girl

2012-01-08T22:59:00.001-06:00

Watching right now: Lars and the Real Girl

Just saw Lars and the Real Girl. I was expecting a dark comedy. It was so much more than that. It was a stunningly touching movie that was not at all what I was expecting and so much more than I would ever have thought. It leaves you thinking about it and wanting to talk about it. I'll be thinking about that one for a long time.

SPOILERS
Lars is a sweet, troubled young man who lives in the garage of his family home. He has a job. He takes care of himself. He's totally non-violent and no danger to himself or anyone else. He also happens to order himself a fiance off the internet. Not just any mail order bride, however. She's a sex doll. But not to Lars. To Lars, she is a sweet and very real girl.

This is partly their story, and partly the story of the entire town. You see, instead of ridiculing him, this little town finds a way to embrace him and accept that somehow he needs this.

It's exquisitely painful and awkward and sweet and funny and touching and thought-provoking. It's that rare case where EVERYONE rises to the occasion and does the right thing and gives you faith in people and humanity.

Incredible acting.

Amazing.

Blown away.

-k

Latest Milestone

2012-01-08T19:19:00.001-06:00

Latest Milestone: We went to the wedding of someone who was a few years ahead of my oldest in Sunday School. Beautiful wedding. Gorgeous happy bride. First wedding my two youngest will remember and now all Katie's toys are "brides".

Today I'm grateful for

2012-01-08T19:18:00.001-06:00

Today I'm grateful for: salted caramel hot chocolate with my Starbucks gift card from Christmas!!

Current Craving

2012-01-08T19:17:00.001-06:00

Current Craving: winter weather! It's been in the high 70s for days. Winter can't really be over already, can it?

Adventures in Dyeing

2012-01-08T19:13:00.002-06:00

IT WENT REALLLLLLY WELL.

And I was too eager to start knitting with it, so I didn't take very good pictures.

I plan to dye some more this week, and I'll try to take pictures this time.

I dyed up a skein of sport weight self-striping in bright blue/charcoal gray for a pair of socks. I'm also learning the afterthought heel with this pair!

Dyeing yarn is SO MUCH FUN. So, I have to look for ways to get more naked/undyed base yarn so that I can keep doing it!

I am using professional quality dyes to make sure they don't run or fade.

Whooooohoooo!! How often do I actually GET one of my cravings???

I'm a happy girl. There's a lot going on in my life right now that has me extremely tense, nervous, and irritated. But it only takes some small to make me happy again!

-k

Current Craving

2012-01-03T13:49:00.003-06:00

Current Craving: sport weight self-striping yarn. So I think I'm going to dye some myself!

Today I'm grateful for

2012-01-03T13:49:00.001-06:00

Today I'm grateful for: Dance Central on the Kinect.

Favorite song on the radio right now

2011-12-30T09:56:00.001-06:00

Favorite song on the radio right now: Paradise by Coldplay and Stereo Hearts by Gym Class Heroes feat. Adam Levine and Someone like You by Adele

Today I'm grateful for

2011-12-30T09:30:00.001-06:00

Today I'm grateful for: Words With Friends - such fun!

Current Craving

2011-12-28T09:29:00.001-06:00

Current Craving: sport weight self-striping yarn

Latest Milestone

2011-12-28T09:28:00.001-06:00

Latest Milestone: New theme for the blog for 2012 is up!

Today I'm grateful for

2011-12-27T20:01:00.000-06:00

Today I'm grateful for: time at the park with my niece, two nephews, and my three kids!

Life Begins at the end of your comfort zone

2011-12-27T19:39:00.002-06:00

This year is about not being afraid. This year is about becoming who we want to be. This year is about losing sight of the shore so that we can cross an ocean. This year is about cutting ties with things that might have been right once so that we can get where we need to be.

It's never too late to become who you want to be.

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone - and let's face it, the last few years have been anything BUT comfortable. It's time to take chances, make changes, and make things happen.

Yes, change is scary. You lose the comfort of a routine, but if that routine isn't working, what are you really losing? If what you are doing isn't making you happy, why are you still doing it?

Let's do this thing!!

-k

GREAT thought!

2011-12-26T20:34:00.001-06:00

Latest Milestone

2011-12-25T18:45:00.001-06:00

Latest Milestone: In touch with a friend I thought I couldn't be friends with again. It's a different friendship now, but I'm very happy about that too.

A Beautiful Day

2011-12-25T18:29:00.002-06:00

It has been a beautiful day of family and togetherness. A celebration of gratitude for what we have been able to do for each other and how well we know each other, by the gifts we selected and the joy shown as they were received. A celebration of abundance, especially in food!

Now, my thoughts shift to the new year. I will be coming up with a "new theme/new look" for the blog, as I do once a year. I will be putting together my 12in2012 knitting projects (I'll explain briefly. I plan at least 12 projects a year from yarn I already own. This celebrates the yarn I have, makes projects I planned to do, and encourages me to stretch myself in my skills and learning new things.) I will be considering our family's nutrition and exercise goals and how to help all of us be in a healthier place by this time next year.

I don't do "resolutions". A good friend told me that we have to be kind and gentle with ourselves. We should come up with tangible, achievable goals. Instead of saying "lose weight", it would be something like "eat 40% vegetables/fruits at most meals" or "fit comfortably into clothes of a certain size". So, I am looking at a reasonable list of goals for the upcoming year.

I had 10 goals in 2011, and I did five of them. I'd rather have done all of them, but I'm trying to be grateful about the five I did manage to do or make significant progress towards.

This time of year finds me feeling very introspective and reflective. And I am trying to give myself the same kind of tender, loving acceptance that I give so freely to my friends. I deserve it too!

-k

Reading right now

2011-12-25T16:51:00.002-06:00

Reading right now: Septimus Heap: Syren by Angie Sage (Book Five) and the Chronicles of Harris Burdick!!

The Mysteries of Harris Burdick is one of my favorite books of all time and this is the expansion of the idea including stories written by some awesome authors!

Watching right now

2011-12-25T16:49:00.002-06:00

Watching right now: Shrek 2

Today I'm grateful for

2011-12-25T16:49:00.001-06:00

Today I'm grateful for: Christmas Day with my brother Jim and our beautiful family!

Watching right now

2011-12-24T12:33:00.000-06:00

Watching right now: Nick Jr with the kids

How to annoy me

2011-12-24T12:27:00.000-06:00

How to annoy me: The toys people so THOUGHTFULLY get for my children. I often find myself wanting to return these gifts in places that would make it hard for them to sit for a while.

Today I'm grateful for

2011-12-24T12:26:00.000-06:00

Today I'm grateful for: Christmas Eve traditions, past and present. In the past, we went to a BEAUTIFUL candlelight service in Pasadena. Now, we spend Christmas Eve with my brother and his family and we watch The Polar Express, complete with hot chocolate.

How to make me laugh

2011-12-24T12:24:00.001-06:00

How to make me laugh: Ian has always called the instructions on toys for him "the destructions" - which in his case has always been appropriate.

How to annoy me

2011-12-22T13:49:00.001-06:00

How to annoy me: My kids have so little imagination in how to entertain themselves without screens. And when they finally figure out how to play, it is often punctuated with screams and always accompanied by HUGE PILES of MESS that never get cleaned up without an argument. I see how people succumb to allowing too much screen time. But I persist.

Favorite song on the radio right now

2011-12-22T13:47:00.001-06:00

Favorite song on the radio right now: Paradise by Coldplay and Stereo Hearts by Gym Class Heroes feat. Adam Levine

Quiet lately

2011-12-22T13:43:00.001-06:00

The Polaseks have been here for a few days (hence my relative radio silence). As always, we are so grateful for the chance to spend some time with them. The kids have already grown a TON from last year. Our two girls are more social and much more independent than they were a year ago. For one thing, they both enjoy sliding on slides this year whereas last year, Katie liked climbing UP to the slide but never actually slid down. EVER.

The boys get along fairly well, then spectacularly dislike one another before getting over it quickly. So, I guess they haven't changed that much.

It's never enough time but I'm grateful for the time we DO get together!

-k

So, I'll just go get on with that, shall I?

2011-12-14T10:22:00.004-06:00

To me, physical discomforts are nearly always the result of some mental discomfort. Case in point, I'm nearly always so healthy that other people can catch it from being around me. And I'm nearly always optimistic, happy, and doing my best to share that same sense of contagious happiness and expectancy of good with others.

And when I'm not feeling well, it can nearly always be traced back to have a lapse in that mental optimism, a dip in happiness, and not expecting good or seeing it expressed in my life.

For a while now, we've gotten a series of setbacks. Whether it's bad news financially (and there's been lots of that), unpleasant news related to my job prospects (and there's been lots of that), discord with family members (sadly there has been some of that), or even just pessimism at being able to achieve goals or provide the sort of holidays we hoped for the kids, there have been lots of things that chip away at my happiness. And my health is showing it.

I've lost my voice, gained a leaky/stuffy nose, coughed a ton, lost my appetite but forced myself to keep eating, and just generally been fairly miserable.

I need to turn it around.

Not only for myself, but for those around me. Like it or not, I am the "dominant" mommy in this household. I am the hub of this particular wheel. The kids need me to be strong and happy. My husband needs me to be cheerful and optimistic. My mom needs me to be patient, strong, and in good spirits. I've been none of the above the last few days.

"Faking it until you feel it" is a viable option. You tell yourself what is really true and valuable and important, and you act accordingly until your body and brain catch up and catch on. "An attitude of gratitude" can work, if you embrace it. Rather than whining about what you don't have, you focus on what you DO have, and as you become more and more aware of the good already in your life, you attract more.

And of course, my own personal favorite "No one and no thing can make you react". I can't choose my circumstances. I can't choose the events that come into my life. I can only choose how I will respond. I can only choose who these events will encourage me to be. Do I have reasons to be depressed and grumpy? Yes, I certainly do. But what will that do for me? Does wallowing help? And we all know that grumpiness spreads to others who are already inclined to grump anyway...

I have to make the conscious choice to be a better me. Partly for others, because they need my good, strong example. But mostly for me, because I'm the one who has to *be* me. No one else has to live in my head. In fact, no one else should. So, by being cheerful, I literally get to be cheerful. By being optimistic, I get the benefits of being the one to believe it can all work out. By being happy, well... I get to be happy.

Not only can that bring out the best in others, it's a lot more pleasant for me.

So, I'll just go get on with that, shall I?

-k

Today I'm grateful for

2011-12-14T10:21:00.001-06:00

Today I'm grateful for: Wednesdays mean knit night! Therefore, I'm grateful for Google + Hangouts.

Current Craving

2011-12-14T10:19:00.000-06:00

Current Craving: the perfect soft cardigan pattern for alpaca yarn.

How to make me laugh

2011-12-11T18:53:00.000-06:00

How to make me laugh: Katie's going through a hilarious phase where she likes to sit on Michael's shoulders and brush his hair. She does this regularly, but it's still hilarious.

Reading right now

2011-12-11T18:37:00.001-06:00

Reading right now: Septimus Heap: Syren by Angie Sage (Book Five)

Today I'm grateful for

2011-12-11T18:35:00.001-06:00

Today I'm grateful for: loads of things!

Current Craving

2011-12-11T18:31:00.001-06:00

Current Craving: I wish there *was* a way to make money knitting. I know that if you write and sell successful patterns, you can make supplemental income... but that's about it. Doesn't mean I can't wish for it.

Everything is cooler with blue hair

2011-12-06T19:58:00.004-06:00

Have you ever really REALLY wanted to do something? Had an idea of how it would turn out so clearly in your mind and then it turns out even BETTER? Had people caution you that you wouldn't like it if you actually did this crazy thing but then you went ahead and you LOVE IT???

Well I did.

I've always wanted to dye my hair blue. Unarguably bright blue. Always.

And in college, we played with kool-aid and manic panic and all that. But this time, I did it for real. Yup. I did.

AND I LOVE IT.

And let me tell you, and this is a huge deal for me - but I know you’ll understand when I say it:

I. Am. Beautiful.

Totally beautiful. Yesterday morning, I woke up with Blue Velvet hair, my nose ring, and I did some lovely eye make-up like it’s easy now. I put on my hot jeans, and a deep red shirt that says “cougar” on it and I hit up the grocery store in STYLE. Yes, traffic came to a halt and people looked at me like I have two heads. Or, more to the point, like I have one bright gorgeous stunning blue head and a huge smile that clearly shows that I am comfortable in my own skin.

I am radiating happy. People who walk past me have no choice. They catch my happy. I did it at the grocery store. There was an older gentleman shopping in the same pattern as I was, and he wanted to frown at me… but I gave him a HUGE smile and he involuntarily smiled back. And then frowned like he was mad I made him smile… so I tipped my head to the side and smiled really big again. And he sort of gave up and smiled back. It was awesome. Because everything is cooler with bright blue hair and a huge smile.

I want everyone to get to feel like this. Well, all the cool people. Mean people already think too much of themselves, IMHO.

I did it in two stages - and here it is one stage before going the full monty... which I include for the simple fact that this shows the color off the best. As you can clearly see from the upper pictures, I've done my whole head now... and it's all this gorgeous blue/purple color.

This is me. Just me. Happy. Beautiful. Accepting of myself with my flaws, and willing to admire and appreciate that I am beautiful.

And what more could I truly ask for?

And with blue hair, and a new energy and zest for life, I am eagerly expecting more good to follow!

-k

Watching right now

2011-12-02T20:17:00.002-06:00

Watching right now: The Science Channel

Today I'm grateful for

2011-12-02T20:17:00.001-06:00

Today I'm grateful for: RAIN! Today there was a slow soft steady rain all day. The very best possible thing for this area. I'm so grateful!

How to make me laugh

2011-12-02T15:11:00.001-06:00

How to make me laugh: It's raining today which is all too unusual for us. So my little Texan daughter says indignantly "The rain is making me new outfit especially wet."

How to make me laugh

2011-12-02T15:10:00.001-06:00

How to make me laugh: Katie was walking in front of Grandma in Target. Mom felt Katie got too far away, so she called to her to wait. Katie turned around, put her hands on her hips and said very loudly, "I don't feel liking it."

Our Trip to Port A

2011-11-30T14:05:00.002-06:00

ALWAYS a pleasure... this time we took Mom, and the Lynches with us and rented a single condo we all shared. Here we are on the way home, stopping by the USS Lexington for Ian, who is WAY into ships. We didn't take the tour, but we hope to someday!

One nice thing about Texas is that we played on and in the ocean/gulf repeatedly. I walked MILES along the coast, and was fascinated watching the clams "playing" in the surf. I took endless pictures, but here's one of our Ian, happily in the water. He was fearless and swam and swam and boogie boarded!

Katie is more like Mommy. We like to be BY the ocean, not in it. Here, she and Daddy built one of the billion sand castles of the trip.

And because I can't resist, here are some pictures of the Princess cause the camera LOVES her.

Reading right now

2011-11-30T14:02:00.004-06:00

Reading right now: The Hunger Games Trilogy

I inhaled them all in less than a week. Wow. Very well written. Very compelling. It's like a modern version of Dragonslayer and the Running Man with teenagers (mostly). It's a vicious future where an oppressive government keeps a tight hand on the Districts by forcing them to offer up their children in a lottery skewed to punish the poor to compete in deathly Hunger Games to the death.

WOW. Read all three very quickly. Well rounded characters. Very clear imagery. Very imaginative. Not for the faint of heart. Touching. Thought-provoking. Doesn't pull punches. I can't give up my only real complaint because it's a spoiler about the third one.

HIGHLY RECOMMEND THESE, but they aren't light and fluffy.

How to annoy me

2011-11-30T14:02:00.001-06:00

How to annoy me: Katie has built in Mommy Radar. If I close my eyes for a second, she appears, needing something. But that's probably good, because if I actually dozed off, she'd DESTROY the house in seconds.

Favorite song on the radio right now

2011-11-30T14:01:00.001-06:00

Favorite song on the radio right now: Christmas favorites!

Current Craving

2011-11-30T14:00:00.001-06:00

Current Craving: A nap.

Watching right now

2011-11-15T19:29:00.003-06:00

Watching right now: LazyTown

Today I'm grateful for

2011-11-15T19:29:00.001-06:00

Today I'm grateful for: RAIN! We got a little of the much needed Sky Water today. We need a bunch more, but I'm grateful for what we did get.

How to make me laugh

2011-11-13T10:14:00.001-06:00

How to make me laugh: We were awoken this morning by "Dr. Katie" telling Daddy that he had an appointment in her room. And that if he was late, it "wouldn't be a good idea".

Today I'm grateful for

2011-11-13T10:13:00.001-06:00

Today I'm grateful for: peppermint hot chocolate.

Today I'm grateful for

2011-11-12T14:19:00.001-06:00

Today I'm grateful for: washing machines. One of those modern wonders that I know many people have to do without.

Today I'm grateful for

2011-11-11T14:55:00.001-06:00

Today I'm grateful for: My fantastic husband. He's my bestest bestest friend and I will never NEVER get tired of being together. I just wish we could be together MORE, and travel more.

Reading right now

2011-11-11T14:53:00.001-06:00

Reading right now: Septimus Heap: Queste by Angie Sage (Book Four) and Life of Pi by Yann Martel

Current Craving

2011-11-11T14:52:00.001-06:00

Current Craving: Super soft bulky yarn to make a snuggly cabled cowl.

How to make me laugh

2011-11-09T13:02:00.001-06:00

How to make me laugh: I can always tell when Katie has reached her limit because mid-sentence (and that sentence is often a list of to-do's for mommy) she'll fall asleep. And while it's funny, it's also extremely peaceful for a few minutes!

Latest Milestone

2011-11-09T13:00:00.001-06:00

Latest Milestone: Katie was eating fried rice of my plate at lunch today and practically ate the color off the plate. This is a big departure from her plain white rice!

Today I'm grateful for

2011-11-09T12:59:00.001-06:00

Today I'm grateful for: Living so close to my brother and his family. My other brother lives across the country and I rarely get to see him. He hardly knows my children and that's a shame. The other brother and I have had the fortune of living in the same town for years and getting together extremely regularly.

How to make me laugh

2011-11-07T15:43:00.001-06:00

How to make me laugh:
So, I look over and Katie is fanning Michael's pillows. I ask her what she's doing.

Me: Katie, what are you doing?
Katie: Trying to make these pillows not smell.
Me: Why do they smell?
Katie: Because Daddy always sits on them with his stinky boy butt.
Me: (dies laughing)

Current Craving

2011-11-07T15:42:00.001-06:00

Current Craving: cool winter weather. KNITS weather. It's 81 here today.

Today I'm grateful for

2011-11-07T15:41:00.001-06:00

Today I'm grateful for: DVD technology. I still remember the awesomeness the first time I watched one and realized I didn't have to rewind it! Let alone could instantly jump to a specific chapter! Still grateful!

Thoughts on marriage

2011-11-06T17:11:00.002-06:00

So, I read in the CS Monitor about Mexico's current exploration of the concept of the "temporary marriage license."

In a nutshell (in case you don't want to read that article right now):
Mexico is seriously considering making the first two years of marriage into a trial period. Marriage licenses would be issued that are only valid for the first two years. At the end of those two years, if it hasn’t worked out, you simply don’t upgrade to the permanent license and the marriage ends, with predetermined conditions (like a federal prenuptial agreement) that stipulates what would happen with any community property and/or children. If you DO want to stay married, you re-file for a marriage license, which is then permanent. Although you could still file for divorce at a later time, there would now be a prenuptial agreement to determine the terms of that divorce.

Now, I don’t like that idea as I feel it is an attack on marriage. In my view, it lessens it by giving it an expiration date like that. However, I love the idea of a “mandatory” engagement period. I like the idea of requiring that people be legally engaged for a certain period of time and that all couples be required to have prenuptial agreements prior to marrying. Instead of having people file for a marriage license and then them needing to use it quickly before it expires, it should be the opposite. You should file and have to wait and put together your prenuptial agreement, etc. Yes, that may increase children born out of wedlock as it would do away with the shotgun wedding option, but how many of those marriages actually succeed? Only the ones that would have regardless. I think to preserve marriage, it should be a little harder to get one and there should be more benefits to having done so. Perhaps greater tax breaks? And perhaps those benefits should increase the longer you are married? Every five years they should improve? THAT would give tangible benefit to such unions and the longevity of the institution as well.

Have the rest of you read this article and what was your reaction?

-k

Today I'm grateful for

2011-11-06T16:41:00.002-06:00

Today I'm grateful for: the 10,000 Maniacs, especially the first half of their career with Natalie Merchant at the helm.

I still liked them once she left, and I loved her solo career too. I will always love their early albums, and the sense memories of them. Yes, I know her dark angry scary lyrics didn't always match their bubble gum sound but that's what got you. It was the juxtaposition of those two components that made both work. Yes, her words were so so dark but still hauntingly beautiful and they snuck up on you. And yes their music was so easy on the ears, but then you realized the stories they were telling and it gave them more substance than they would otherwise have had.

-k

Current Craving

2011-11-06T16:40:00.001-06:00

Current Craving: an unlimited budget and a personal shopper who could turn my little "polyvore.com" daydreams into realities.

No, seriously. It is a window shopping HEAVEN. If you haven't been, and you are ready to lose a few hours... go forth!