Customer Service

Few things make me angrier than crappy customer service. And I got a LOAD of it tonight.

I was trying to start an online roleplaying game that I played last night with no problems. Tonight, a boatload of problems. Contact customer support. Get a stupid bull-puckey suggestion that includes a required restart of my computer... which of course disconnects me from customer support... and by the time I got back to customer support, they'd CLOSED FOR THE NIGHT.

That's NOT a coincidence.

I wrote a few angry emails and spent nearly TWO fruitless angry hours trying to research what is undoubtedly a simple and known issue somewhere on their support knowledge database.

In essence, a game that I play in my FEW PRECIOUS MOMENTS OF ME TIME angered me WAY out of proportion to its importance in my life because I couldn't solve it, no one would help me, and I wasted precious freetime getting madder and madder.

I'm mad enough that I could physically hurt someone, something, or scream uncontrollably. I need to find a way to wind down because going to bed like this would be BAD. I'd either have viscious angry dreams or wake up just as mad... or possibly both.

I'm just frosted that I allowed this to waste my time and make me so upset.

I want to pound on something.

HARD.

Tomorrow, if I find myself with free time... I should KNIT. Knitting makes the bad impulses go away. Knitting is peaceful and productive. Knitting rarely makes me angry, or violent, and never feels like a wasted two hours.

MUST UNWIND. Can't knit because I can't be up that late.

Podblammit.

-k

Faithful Narrative

January 26th, 2009

Dear Santa,

I want three trains and some compartment cars and an alarm clock and a new car that Cory has. I want some like bakugan with the cards and a John Deere train, Harry Potter cars.

Have a nice summer and we'll see you next Christmas.

P.S. Also some John Deere cars and a Ferrari, and all the cars from the movie cars and all the bikini bottom cars.

Love,
Ian

SHE SAID IT

SHE SAID IT.

Katie said it.

At 5:23 Central Time, Katie said "Mama."

Not once. Not twice. Like FIVE times IN A ROW, with a SMILE, and looking at ME.

Now, she has flatly refused to say it again... but she CAN'T TAKE IT BACK.

She said it.

SHE SAID MAMA.

It was out of the blue. It wasn't in reference to anything. She just walked across the livingroom towards me and said it a bunch of times.

I thought I would burst.

I have witnesses.

And I wanted you to know RIGHT away.

She said it.

-k

Emotional Rollercoaster

Life is such an emotional rollercoaster lately. I'll have a rough day at work, and then get a great phone call. I'll have a great contact with a potential buyer for the mail center and then get a nasty email from another one. I'll have a sweet moment with Katie, but she still won't say my name. I'll play with Ian in the backyard, and then he throws a tantrum.

It's hard to find balance and without balance it's hard to remain sane - let alone cheerful and upbeat.

I'm drained.

I'm exhausted.

I'm trying to be all things to all people and I'd like to feel that SOMEONE SOMEWHERE was catering to ME. That just once, instead of me killing myself to make sure that everyone else has what THEY need, someone was going out of their way to see that I'm getting what I need.

And then I feel guilty for being selfish to even say something like that. And I wonder if you'll all think that I'm a bad person.

And then I remind myself, who is this "you" I'm talking about... that's presumptuous to think that anyone is reading this and thinking anything significant about it at all.

Although I do get feedback from several of you, most of it good and supportive, and I should focus on that.

And there ARE good things going on it my life.

I need to focus on that, and on gratitude.

And I'm back to feeling drained and exhausted... and guilty and grumpy... and happy and grateful... and hungry.

Yeah, I've got the munchies for sure. But a will of iron... which doesn't explain my abs of playdoh.

Oh well... what can you do? I can't even get my kid to call me "mommy".

I think I need some Rock Band.

-k

Fatigued

Liking the new job. Well, let me amend that to say that I love the new company and even most of the people I work with, although I truly don't care for the actual job itself. I am doing it and doing it to the best of my ability. I just wouldn't want to do this job forever.

However, the mail center hasn't sold yet. So nearly every day, Michael and I end up spending time at the mail center - and/or bring home work to do from there too. It's frustrating and exhausting.

It leaves us with less energy for each other and the kids. It leaves me with no energy to tackle the things that need doing around the house and in the yard. There are things I really need to do for the house but there is only just so much of me to go around.

So, I continue to pray to know that somewhere there is someone who is looking for a good, customer oriented business and they will be brought to us just as we are looking for a good, honest person to buy the business we have poured ourselves into over the last few years. We are asking a very reasonable price. We can't afford to sell it for less because we owe money on it and it is already worth more than we are asking for it because we have a sense of urgency to sell it.

It is time for this chapter of our lives to come to a gracious end and for us to start a new part of our lives. We learned some amazing lessons from this time. We call them "expensive life seminars". We have learned things that you can't learn any other way. We are extremely appreciative employees because we KNOW what it takes to run a business. We are very grateful for health benefits, because we raised three children for five years without any. We almost feel guilty getting a paid day off. We work 110% percent while we are at work, and we are always trying to make our jobs better, smoother, and more productive.

Now, it's time to be rewarded for being good, honest business people and to reclaim some of our lives back. And it would be WONDERFUL to actually be able to spend some time together.

If you know anyone looking, please point them this way!

-k

Something to be proud of

One thing that Barack Obama said almost as a passing thought struck me today as something to be incredibly proud of as a country.

Today, for the 44th time in this nation's history, there was a peaceful transfer of power.

That might not sound like much, but look around you at the world. It IS a big deal.

Whether you wept and prayed that this Presidential candidate would win or not... you have to respect the United States for being the major player on the world stage and managing to continue a peaceful government despite tremendous pressures. Today, once again, the government bowed to the wishes of the people and handed the highest office in the land (and arguably in the world) to a new person. And it went smoothly and peacefully.

There has never been a President who refused to hand over the reigns and needed to be removed with force. In fact, most of them looked more than a little relieved when the mantle of power was removed. It must be a crushingly awesome burden of responsibility. They all age way more than the years themselves can account for. They deal with information that the rest of us will never have to know. They deal with decisions they've had to make that no one else can bear the burden for. They deal with intense scrutiny and are rarely allowed to defend themselves. They must comfort themselves with the cold comfort of knowing that history will be their judge - and that they did the best they could with the information they had at the time. It's an incredible thing, and only 44 men in history have done it. It's a very small club, and the few members do learn to bond over time, even if they are not natural allies or similar in other respects.

My favorite moment of our peaceful national transition of power wasn't even televised this time. I have to admit that I can't remember the exact rank of the person in our Armed Forces who performs this duty but it brings an enormous lump to my throat just to describe it.

This moment comes when the President leaving the office looks the representative of the Armed Forces in the eyes - and that representative then turns and solemnly looks the new President in the eyes. I get chills just saying it. But that is the symbolic moment when the leaving President resigns the position of Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces of the United States and the new President takes up the position.

In that moment, a President could hesitate. He could resist letting it go. None ever does. Other countries have turned in an instant like this to change their entire histories. Other leaders have been unable to let go at the duly appointed time. No US President ever has.

Although there must be a tremendous relief at letting go of the responsibility, it must be hard to allow someone else to take it up. Whether they hand it over to their chosen successor in their own political party and hope he will continue in their lead, or whether they lost to a bitter rivalry as elections so often go, it can't be easy to let go of something that has consumed you for such a huge part of your life. But that moment has come for every President who lived to the end of his term.

Today was no exception.

Today, I was so proud of us as a country. Not because of our history making election. Because of our history of NOT making history at our Inaugurations. It's expected. It's completely expected thatthe outgoing President will choose to go without struggle, and without exception, they do.

So whatever your political affiliation, honor and respect the office of President and every American who has held the office.

Hail to the Chief!

-k

Hmm...

I guess I didn't have anything to say?

I heard this little dinging noise and suddenly had a blank blog. It struck me as profound.

So, insert whatever you most need to hear into that blank blog post and let me know what it was....

-k

Mean Mean Mommy

that I am... I have instituted an official study hall that mimics the study hall we had at Principia. Yes, every school night, Sunday through Thursday, Cory has to sit at the kitchen table from 7 pm to 9 pm and work on homework, study, read assignments, and otherwise focus on school.

It took him nearly failing out of this first semester of high school for me to take this sort of drastic action. We tried asking him about his assignments every day. We tried checking his grades online every day. We tried lectures. We tried taking away privileges.

This is our latest tactic. And SHOCKINGLY, this one seems to be yielding results already this week.

He passed his first semester final today quite handily. He told me that he was bored enough over the last few nights to study to be ready for it.

Music... sweet sweet music.

See, he drives me crazy because he is extremely smart - just lazy and unmotivated. Hence, the enforced study hall...

So be prepared for more stories about mean mean mommy and her monkeyboy who may yet pass freshman year.

-k

Many unhappy returns

I'd forgotten how much I HATE to throw up. How much I struggle against it. It doesn't matter that if there is something in my system that it simply can't process, that might be the best and fastest way to get rid of it. I will fight against it. I will do everything in my power not to do it.

But last night, I couldn't win that battle. And every time that I gave in and threw up, I didn't feel better. I didn't have any confidence that it was over. I spent that night miserable, curled up in the bathroom, hoping and praying that I'd feel better soon.

And even when I finally stopped hurling, it took the better part of the entire day for my back to unclench, the muscles to relax from their night of tormenting effort.

And even now, I feel guilty for missing work. I know it wasn't something I could have done differently. I could not have gotten in there if they would have fired me otherwise. And I know there will be hell to pay in overloaded piles of urgent deadlines and catching up to do tomorrow. I can't help that. I can only try to deal with it as graciously and calmly as possible.

And hope it's a long, long time before I get sick like that again.

-k

HMMPH

For those of you keeping score at home, Katie still won't say "Mommy".

Frosts me.

-k

Coffee Date

I had a coffee date this afternoon with my husband.

It was the first date we've had in... well.. let's just say it's been a reeeeeeeeeeeally long time. We needed a few minutes together, without the kids, without anyone else - just the two of us. We didn't stay long. We didn't talk at great length and depth. We just grabbed a few moments together and some blended, iced coffee goodness.

We need to do more of that.

With or without the coffee part.

-k

Evening's Contemplation

I think one of the biggest secrets to success in life must be in knowing how to ask for what you want in a way that makes people want to give it to you.

I need to learn this.

-k

Rapidfire Updates

* Cory cut his own hair with scissors because he was mad... so he got a new haircut.
* I should have cut it all off, instead I got it trimmed over his eyes.
* Jimmy has "applied for a transfer". He knocked Katie over and snapped at her.
* I'm broken-hearted, but MY KIDS COME FIRST WITHOUT QUESTION.
* So he's on his way back to the shelter, while they can still adopt him out and before he can bite anyone for real.
* Love the company I work for.
* But not my current job.
* LOVE LOVE LOVE Pandora internet radio.
* I am a Rock Band-playing goddess. I think it's awesome that my generation started designing the video games and now we have the Wii with it's motion sensing and air guitar -fake rock concert games that include the ability to sing along.
* And it's wicked cool to play with Cory and have him think I'm cool.
* And Katie needs to get back to sleeping through the night because I'm damn tired.
* So I'm going to bed. Now.

zzzzzzzzzz

-k

A moment to vent

I have said it before and I can't imagine that this is the last time I'll say it. I sometimes wish I was one of those high maintenance women who knows how to demand that they get their needs met. Yes, they often take it way too far and are extremely selfish. But I firmly believe that most moms take it too far the other direction and aren't selfish enough.

It seems that we always put ourselves last. We take care of everyone else's needs. When Michael and the kids need something, we make it a priority and it happens. Even if people are fussy. Even if it isn't great timing. We muscle through and get it done. When I need something, it gets pushed back and pushed back until some mythical "good time" and often just never happens at all. When other people have had a rough day, they take time for themselves. They walk away and leave the kids while they collect their temper. Me? I can't even use the bathroom by myself!!!

And I feel like if I don't find times and places to put myself first I will just burst one day and everyone will wonder what the hell happened. I have never been one to bottle things up. But the last few years have been so stressful that if I hadn't learned to bottle things up, I'd be divorced, dead, or both.

And Michael and I NEED to find more time for each other, just the two of us. Because we have to protect our relationship too. I have watched too many of our friends and co-workers break up because they didn't work on their relationships. It's a strange phenomenon - starting to take each other for granted. We can fake happy or courteous for other people. But with each other, the one person we should treat with the most respect and extra tenderness, we tend to have run out of energy.

I need to get our oopey gooeys back. It's been too long since I felt that.

Sorry for the vent, but the bottling up has really backed up on me and it's time to slowly stop doing it. And because I HAVE bottled up so much, now I have to find a way to release all of it... a little bit at a time.

-k

One Resolution Going Well

I installed MS Money and brought our accounts up to date in it. I plan to track our finances and develop a real budget, and I have to tell you that it is a genuine pleasure because for the first time in five years, we have an actual income that is going to come in on a regular basis. You can make a budget out of nearly any income, no matter how modest, as long as it is coming in on a regular basis. It may be easier or harder based on how much your income is versus your expenses, I'll grant you that.

But it's a genuine pleasure to be able to know that there will BE a regular income coming in.

And we are not going to blow it. We are not going to eat out all the time. We are going to pay all our bills on time. We are going to save up for the things we need to be prepared for (to the best of our ability anyway). We might even gasp be able to spend a little money on ourselves once in a while!

This is going to be a good year.

-k

Sigh

So, I resolved to go to bed early tonight. Like the MOMENT my kids went to bed.

Here it is... 10:16 p.m. And I'm blogging about my failure to hit my first resolution of 2009. Not exactly off to an auspicious start to the year.

I expect this to be a HUGE year of change for us. We are both working again for someone else... which means THEY have to figure out how to pay us. THEY have to figure out how to get insurance and we just pay our part. It has a few drawbacks, but I haven't exactly figured out what those might be. After all, when people say that you can't go back to working for someone else after owning your own business, I smile... knowing full well that those people never owned a small business. When you do, you know that you work for other people MORE when you own a small business. At least in most jobs, you only have to report to one person. Owning a business means that EVERYONE seems to be your boss.

Don't get me wrong. I loved both of our businesses, and there are things about them that I will miss.

But I LOVE the company I work for now, and I expect to be there a Looooooooooooooong time.

And having a regular paycheck coming in for the first time in five years has allowed me to breathe a long deep sigh of relief that we ARE going to be able to keep this house, I WILL be able to feed my children, I WAS able to buy them some new clothes already from this first little paycheck, and we ARE going to be able to afford Michael's meds.

This year, we are hoping to refinance the house to take advantage of low rates, which would help a tremendous deal. We figure we have to wait until we've each been with our jobs for six months before we apply. On the other hand, with the housing market the way it is, there may be great help out there for people in our situation. It's an opportunity we need.

This year, in the fall, Ian will start kindergarten. That BLOWS my mind.

Katie will be two this year. I will officially be in my MID-thirties... and Michael... um... well... Michael's... cute.

Cory won't be eligible for his driver's license, but I'm certain that upon reaching his 15th birthday, if in fact he DOES live that long, driving will become a fixation replacing even girls. Well, in so much as driving is a better way to get girls. I'll start getting lectures on how DOUG'S kids all learned to drive way before they got THEIR licenses. And if we had 600 acres of our very own, I STILL wouldn't give that kid the keys to a Schwinn with how responsible he's been lately...

This year, we'll sell the mail center.

And those are just the little things we know are coming. It's the stuff you DON'T know is coming that makes for an exciting year.

After all, I'll leave you with this little thought from Amy and Emily, The Indigo Girls...

"Every five years or so, I look back on my life and I have a good laugh".

-k