2009 - The Year of The Bee

Until 2006, science couldn't explain how a bumblebee flies. According to the known rules of aerodynamics, they shouldn't be able to do it. Their wings were too small, too fragile... their bodies too large... they fly with their legs which are their landing gear, always down... it shouldn't have worked.

Of course, bees never got that memo.

In 2006, a scientist used a chamber filled with a mix of oxygen and helium and high speed photography to figure out the very exotic way bees fly.

I LOVE that bees were just never willing to be bound by rules that didn't apply to them. I LOVE that bees were totally blissfully unconcerned with the attempts of those around them to explain what they do or to limit what they were capable of doing. I find that inspiring.

I have always found bees attractive and appealing. I have always gravitated to them. Now, I have decided to let them be a major source of inspiration for me, especially this year, which by all appearances and indicators will be a very transformative year for me and my family.

I started by buying myself a tiny little bee charm for a simple silver necklace. I am already wearing it.

I shared my inspiration with my sunday school today and we talked about some of the metaphysical truths we can get from bees and that I intend to get into this year.

I will embrace the concepts of the bees and look for little ways to bring bee inspiration into my life. Some of the things I'll be looking for are a bee hoodie (which I intend to make myself), a bee totebag (also an item I will make for myself, most likely), bee figurines of some kind for my desk at home and at work, socks, a blanket (which I could also make), and other fun little things that will come into my experience. Part of the joy of it is putting the idea out there and watching to see how the universe chooses to play along. Who knows what fun things I will find now that I am looking?

I will make myself bee labels and bee notecards. Things like "Bee of good cheer", "Beelieve", "Bee Yourself", and "Let it Bee." For those paying attention, there will be a chuckle in a card with a bee and the saying "Que Sera, Sera."

So, 2009 is for me The Year of the Bee. My mission? To confuse, astound, amaze, and inspire. Not to let anyone or anything limit me and instead to Bee Fantastic!

-k

Christmas Message

I was feeling guilty because I don't feel that I can provide a bountiful Christmas for my family. I wish my children could get more from their lists. I wish I could put a smile of delight on my mother's face. She's an amazing woman who deserves so much and I wish I could give it all to her. My husband is an awesome man and I wish so much that I could give him little tangible love reminders in the form of things I know he wants that he can't get for himself.

But this isn't the year for it.

So, instead of obsessing over the christmas presents (or lack thereof)... I am focusing on the christmas "presence" and trying to live the spirit of christmas.

Tonight, as with every Christmas Eve I can remember, I will find a moment to stand outside in the silence and feel such love and gratitude for Mary, the woman who felt such a close and powerful connection with God that she was able to conceive Jesus without a human father. And this year, Michael pointed out that when Gabriel chose Mary, he was choosing Joseph too because Joseph had to be man enough to accept her without fear and be a human father figure to Jesus. So tonight, I will include him in my love and gratitude.

It was Jesus' role to introduce the world to a God of Love, unconditional Love. A father-mother. More than that. A daddy-mommy God. THAT is a Christmas present to be reckoned with.

Wherever you are, you are very loved. Allow yourself to feel that. Allow yourself to enjoy it. You deserve it. Although your human experience may not always reflect it, you ARE loved like the precious perfect person that you are.

Merry Christmas.

-k

Dog-lemma

This is a tough one to blog about because I am very upset about it and I feel responsible... and I'm not sure what to do... and it hurts... and I feel responsible... and I'm very upset.

For some time now, we've been having behavioral issues with Jimmy. Ever since we brought him home, he gets very excitable, and wants to nip at the kids. Some of that is him being a puppy. Some of it is need for training. That is the part I feel responsible for. If I could devote more time and resources to training him, maybe I could get him to stop.

On the other hand, some of it is just his personality. I've joked about him being a vegetarian and eating EVERYTHING in the backyard... onions... limes... the entire lime tree. And he is destroying the backyard systematically, which is again something that puppies do.

He truly does prefer to be outside and not in the house with us, as the family companion dog I was hoping for. And when he's outside, he does chase the kids around and jump on them and nip at them... which means that they can't be outside in their yard like they should be able to because of him and that doesn't work for me.

All of this is the lead-up to what happened today though.

It's been unusually cold for several weeks around here. In the 30s and 40s. So, we've had him inside a lot more. Which he doesn't like. And consequently, we don't like it a whole lot either. And tonight, I brought him inside because it was cold and closed him into the kitchen, as per our standard operating procedure. He started jumping up and barking... so I told him no sternly. At which point he crouched down on all fours, bared his teeth at me, and growled at me.

I was stunned.

He's never done that to me before.

And according to Mom, he did it to her today for the first time too.

I'm crushed.

I waited for years to have a family dog. I was so sure that it would be like the dogs we had as kids, who were always with us, a true family member, a loyal friend you could talk to, a fuzzy friend you spent a lot of time with, a way we learned some responsibility and life lessons. I wanted it so much. And it isn't working out. For us, OR for Jimmy.

And if he gets aggressive, I will have no choice.

If he ever bit the kids, even once, that would be it.

We adopted him from a shelter and as part of the adoption process, you agree that if any issue comes up, you won't find another home. You'll take them back to the shelter and explain clearly what happened.

And I don't want it to come to that, but I'm not sure what else to do. I'm not sure what would be the best thing here. I don't want him to become more aggressive because if we take him back because he bit someone, they would have to report that and I think it severely limits his chances of ever being adopted again. I don't want that for him. And I don't want him to learn to ever bite either. But if it doesn't get that bad, can I bring myself to give him up? What would be the best thing for everyone concerned?

I feel so bad. So responsible. Could I have prevented this? Can I do anything to make it right now? I have to put the kids first, but I do love this little dog. But do I love him enough to do what's best for him? Like I said, if he's unhappy, I can't make it worse. And if he ever bit the kids, even once, for real... it makes it extremely hard for the shelter to re-adopt him. And it would be awful to think that he'd stay there forever. It's a no-kill shelter, so they wouldn't put him down... but to think of him staying there forever isn't a good thought.

I'm just sick about it.

What do I do?

-k

25 Things About Me That May or May Not Be Interesting

This is from a Facebook exercise...

1. I was born at home in Marblehead, Massachusetts. There was no maternity ward in my hometown. To this day, the clerk at Marblehead City Hall remembers my name because it was so rare. I don't have a birth certificate like most people. Mine is on city letterhead!

2. I have lived in Marblehead and Boston, MA; all over CA; Jonesboro, GA; New Braunfels TX; St. Louis, MO; and Elsah, IL.

3. I met my husband when I was 12. He thought I was his friend's annoying little sister and I thought he was going to cough himself to death. I guess some things never change, huh?

4. I've had a blog for over 5 years. I have written over 1200 entries!

5. I have crocheted since I was twelve and taught myself to knit this year.

6. I adore bumblebees because according to all the known rules of science and physiology they can't fly... but no one told them that, so they do it all the time!

7. I have seven tattoos. So far.

8. Until I was a few days old, my name was Jennifer Ann.

9. I'm ambidextrous. I can even write with both hands, although my left is a little shakier.

10. I once sat on Dave Mustaine's knee and discussed hair care backstage in St. Louis, MO.

11. My first live theatre performance was at age four in the Christmas play "When The Chimes Rang".

12. I used to be over 33% deaf in each of my ears.

13. I've been in labor over 52 hours between my three kids. None of them seem adequately grateful.

14. I've been on six cruises, and won countless solid gold-colored plastic ship trophies for stupid human tricks.

15. I played Janet in the live reproduction of the Rocky Horror Picture Show at the famous Rialto theatre in South Pasadena for almost a year. I still own the costumes. No, I won't post pictures.

16. I once had bleached blonde waist length hair.

17. No offense to anyone out there, but I've never learned to like my first name. I wanted to change it legally but was talked out of it. Somewhat forcefully.

18. The longest I've ever lived in one house is four years.

19. I've been a bartender, a corporate trainer, a school secretary, and run a telethon for a public television station. I worked 80 hours a week when I was pregnant with my first child, including 40 hours a week at Toys R Us during the Christmas rush. I've owned two businesses.

20. I've kissed a girl, and I liked it. Oh, wait... that was Katy Perry.

21. Matthew McConaughey once bought me cheetos and a seven-up at the rodeo. He is shorter than you think and smells aMAZing. In a good way.

22. I've played ice hockey with Gordie Howe, Michael J. Fox, and Richard Dean Anderson.

23. I've been published in the Christian Science Sentinel.

24. I've driven I-10 from its start to its finish. You know, not on one tank of gas or anything.

25. I was a vegetarian for 12 years but only lasted 3 months in Texas. Even the SALADS here have meat. You practically have to strain it out of the drinks!

WHEW. That's harder than it looks.
-k

In Deep Ponder

Trying to get into the Christmas spirit... and I started to ask myself... what IS the Christmas spirit?

Is it a sense of excitement about the holidaysand their celebration? Is it a remembrance of Jesus' birth and that beautiful, touching story? Are they two separate things? Should they be?

It is VERY easy for me to get touched and moved about the story of Jesus' birth... and this despite the very easily available proof that Jesus was NOT born on December 25th. It is easy for me to be awed and humbled by the fact that Mary was doubtless in her very early teens when she had such a clear understanding and beautiful relationship to God that she was chosen to bear the ONLY directly begotten child of God. It is easy for me to stand outside and quietly commune with that story.

It is much harder for me to get into the spirit of the holidays. They are hustled, bustled, hurried, loud, financially stressful, and just a little frantic in general. I LOVE the Christmas television specials. I love Christmas baking. I love the Christmas music. But it's so much harder to enjoy the holidays as an adult, as a parent, and as someone in a tenuous financial position (to say the least). I wish we didn't exchange presents at this time of the year and instead focused on the original purpose of the season. I wish we exchanged presents at New Years in a celebration of the year past and anticipation of the year to come. I would propose that... but I doubt my family would go for it.

Just pondering all this tonight...

-k

VERRRRRRRY MATURE GUYS

So the DVD player died. Totally. After a prolonged agonizing period where it would stutter and skip its way through everything to everyone's horror and frustration. Finally, it had clearly reached the VERY end of its lifecycle, which isn't bad considering it was several years old and BEGAN life as a $40 clearance dvd player to begin with.

So, my VERY mature boys took it outside and beat on it with a rubber mallet. Specifically the rubber mallet we used to use to drive tent stakes into the ground when we went camping.

Please notice my VERY manly oldest son in my pink crocs, striking the first blow.

Then, my younger son. Again, no visible damage yet... although I still TOTALLY disapprove of this sort of example. I mean, is there a good reason we should encourage my ALREADY destructo-children to hit something with a hammer?

Well, I guess if they were going to see Daddy smack away on it anyway... why not? You'll see that Ian was already contemplating the sound it was going to make...

And this is MY daughter and her reaction to the silliness...

Looks just like me when she's rolling her eyes, doesn't she?

-k

Polaseks!!!

So Katie has been slowly becoming more social... with a few leaps forward and a jump backward.

Tonight, she came barrelling around the corner into the livingroom, expecting to see Daddy. When she realized that it wasn't Daddy... it was Uncle Chris... she LOST it. So completely that I had to take her into the kitchen and finally upstairs to bed. She was just overwhelmed.

Then, she went to bed briefly, but woke up because of all the noise and excitement going on downstairs.

She came down with Daddy, and went on to stun us all by VOLUNTARILY climbing INTO Lori's lap... SEVERAL times!

Katie also got fascinated with Tessa and kept wanting to stroke her hair. Tessa was fairly patient with this and it was cute to see them interacting like that.

I think Tessa is actually taller than Katie, although about half her weight!

Michael got to love and hug on the two boys. Ian is a couple inches taller than John, and twice his weight too!

Tessa fell completely in love with Katie's singing, dancing Elmos. We'll have to load them up with fresh batteries! Then, she'll really be blown away...

A wild, crazy, loud, wonderful first meeting. I LOVE it when they are in town!!

-k

The Polaseks are HERE

I haven't gotten to see them yet, but as you all know... my world comes to a bit of a halt when they are here... and since my world is staggering from this new job anyway...

I just thought I'd warn you.

The good news is that when I blog again, there are likely to be WONDERFUL pictures with them.

-k

More Pictorial Updates

I guess the Christmas spirit has really hit the kids this year, because here they are again... all playing together happily on the couch.

We decorated our tree with lots of Christmas music, hot chocolate, and Christmas cookies. Then we watched Polar Express, which I hadn't seen before. It was not at ALL what I expected, but I really liked it.

It was a lovely, wonderful, relaxing weekend - which I needed after this first week of MAJOR adjustment to the new job.

How could anything be wrong when I have these three precious angels at home?

Even the one who loves to put herself in the dog's crate...

And yes... still refuses to call me by name.

-k

Spontaneous Photo Opp.

First there was Cory... in DIRE need of a haircut... flopped on the livingroom floor...

Which was invitation to the other two to DOGPILE on, and I RAN upstairs for my camera and snapped this series before the moment passed.

I LOVE moments like these. When no one is screaming, or taking anyone else's toys, or screaming...

And they all want to be together, if only for a few moments...

And I am so happy to be their mommy...

EVEN IF SHE WON'T SAY IT. See the look on her face? She's a stubborn one, and I have no idea where she gets it.

-k

Unabated rottenness

Katie has ANOTHER new word. She says "eyes" and points to her eyes, or to the eyes of anything in one of her BAZILLION board books.

Yes, parts of the BODY and not Mommy.

I'm starting to develop a serious complex here.

-k

Latest Updates in Bulletpoint Format

* Katie has a new favorite word. "Open". And she means, "I want whatever is in there... OPEN it". She used it today for Pringles, a box of Ian's toys, and EVERYTHING in Grandma Bob's room.

* Day Three of the new job went better. I can see that I will get this job and I will excel! Today I understood most of the acronyms, remembered all the active files, did my own research, and feel very confident about the future.

* Resisting the insane amounts of munchies at the new job. These people like to eat! There was a basket of baked goodies the size of a laundry hamper or a BUICK that sat directly behind my desk for TWO DAYS. Everyone in the office came by to munch and exclaim loudly. Me? Unmoved. Not one nibble did I eat. I should be a saint by now. And I should have dropped at least 30 pounds, right?

* Day Three of the new job and three days in a row of NOT wearing my hair in a ponytail. Day one was a braid. Day two was partly pulled back, partly down. Today was a schwirly bun.

and to bring it full circle...

Yes, that means that Katie has learned YET ANOTHER word, clear as a bell, adorable to hear... that is NOT Mommy... which she stubbornly still refuses to say. At this rate, she'll go to college telling people she lives with her Daddy, her Grandma, her two brothers, the dog, and some lady. Rotten little ingrate.

-k

The FIREHOSE

Started a new job today.

It's overwhelming!

I think it's going to be a very good thing. It's a good company. I like the people I work with. I will be very good at this job once I know what the hell I'm doing. I'm excited... but starting a new job in a new industry is a bit much... especially when the whole thing just happened so FAST.

I went in for an interview, figuring that if it went well, it would be a week or so before I heard back, then I'd give my two weeks notice, and start my new job in about perfect timing.

They offered me the job on the spot and asked if I could start the next day. That was Thursday.

I had to say "no". At least to the starting immediately part. Michael and I talked about whether I should take this opportunity. We had to make sure we had someone to help Michael at the mail center. And ultimately, I started today.

And like I said, although it's overwhelming to the point of exhaustion to have made such a big change so fast, I think ultimately it's a very good thing.

So, if I owe you a letter, email, or some Facebook time... I apologize. I hope you'll understand.

Or, failing that, I hope you'll get over it and forgive me in time.

Or, failing that, I hope you'll just get over it.

-k

Random Memory From Childhood

Had a random memory from childhood this morning and suddenly missed my brother Matthew intensely because no one else got it. No one else got us. Sometimes, I think no one else gets us still.

I'm sure Michael and Emily would both agree.

-k

Katie's Culinary Weirdness

She's certainly her own little person.

She is a bit picky and always hungry, so we are always on the look out for something new and interesting to offer Her Majesty.

Here are some recent, and very startling, favorites:

bread and butter pickle slices
barbeque potato chips
beef bologna

and my personal choice for the "weird for an 18 month old" award... diced green onion pieces.

I did NOT offer her that one. She settled into my lap at dinner tonight (and I might point out that Her Majesty had already HAD her dinner), turned down everything on my plate, and pointed to those... on top of my baked potato. I figured she'd try one, spit it out, and move on to something more normal... like the potato...

Nope.

Loved it. Ate a bunch while we all watched in amazement.

Go figure.

-k

Ian Tidbit

Ian is in a preschool program to help him get ready to start kindergarten in the fall. We asked him how it was going, and he announced that all the kids in his class are older than him, but that they are all small.

I'm afraid you are going to have to get used to that, son.

Thank your mutant freak father.

-k

Quote

When it is my time, I shall depart.
-Dustin Hoffman, from Mr Magorium's Magic Emporium.

Which is incidentally one of my favorite movies of all time and will be the subject of my lock-in with my Sunday School class this weekend. Yes, I am taking all of the teenagers in our Sunday School Saturday night, watching the movie, discussing it specifically the metaphysical themes in it, and hanging out overnight. In the morning, we'll walk to the nearby donut place for breakfast.

I've done these movie outings before, but never combined it with an overnight lock-in. We'll see how that part goes.

The point for me is to show the kids that the Truth can be found all over the place in pop culture, you just have to be looking and listening for it. No religion has a monopoly on Truth. After all, the Truth must be universal or it isn't true. And so I want them to be open to seeing it and being comfortable discussing it.

I won't say too much about the movie in case any of them read this and then are able to "cheat" on the discussion session. But I LOVE this movie. A LOT.

-k

From Today's "Did You Really Just Say That?" File

I stood there and listened, with rapidly narrowing eyes, while my husband and the father of my children told a customer that the best decision he'd ever made was moving out of Houston.

Yes.

Best decision ever.

And I did give him the chance to backpedal, and then watched in ever-widening amazement as he instead dug himself in deeper by trying to defend the statement...

Luckily, I had "girl witnesses" who not only took my side in this conversation but proceeded to get annoyed with their significant others who predictably started defending Michael's decision to stand by his statement.

Ultimately, it doesn't matter - but I'm sure we haven't heard the last of this particular conversation.

-k

Quote from Melanie's blog

“The bread which you do not use is the bread of the hungry; the garment hanging in the wardrobe is the garment of the one who is naked; the shoes you do not wear are the shoes of the one who is barefoot; the money you keep locked away is the money of the poor; the acts of charity you do not perform are so many injustices that you commit.”

- St. Basil the Great, from “The Call to Justice” by Dorothy Harris

That is some serious food for thought and a call to action... makes you want to go through your closets, your garage, and your pantry. I need to do that anyway but this puts it into perspective a little. Especially since we DO donate all the things we aren't using anymore, either to the Women's Shelter here in town, the Goodwill, or through freecycle. Perhaps I should get on it.

I tend to think that because we work six days a week and have three active children, that our free time is precious and I don't want to spend it cleaning out closets. However, I think I would feel calmer and considerably more organized if I stepped into clean living spaces and a sense of order and peace whenever we come home. We'll see if I can keep this zen perspective when it's time to actually DO it.

-k