Abrupt ending

We went camping this weekend... and it was going along quite nicely... until one SPECTACULARLY loud thunderclap, followed by a bright lightning strike, followed by another loud thunderclap.

We packed really fast and headed home.

Sigh.

It was still fun. I LOVE camping and I want to start going again regularly.

-k

On Owning a Business

It's my day off.

Which is hard to tell because I'm here at the mail center anyway. By myself. Working.

Now, to be fair, it's because there were some errands that Michael needed to do, and I'm the only one who can cover for him at the mail center... and we can't just leave it unattended.

It's one of the joys of small business ownership that they don't cover with you when you sign up.

People told me that I'd be able to pick my own hours. And they're right. I can choose any 23 hours a day that I want to work.

People say that when you own your own business, you are your own boss. Not so much. What they mean is that you don't report to any one person. Now, you kind of report to everyone who walks through your doors, or calls you, or sees you out and about in the community... whether you are at work, doing anything work-related, or just visible to the naked eye.

They say that you can make your own decisions. Yes... and no. You can decide anything you want, but if it doesn't meet your expenses, you'd better decide something else pronto. And you can only make those decisions that your vendors will deliver on. And there are generally a TON of regulations governing you as well. With the candy store, we answered to the city, the county, the health department, the state, the federal government, and customers. With the mail center, we get to drop the health department out of the equation, but in return, we deal with the post office. I rather preferred the health code. At least they weren't actively TRYING to put us out of business.

All things considered, it's a little depressing. I try to keep a sense of humor about the whole thing. They can't take that away from you.

They caaaaan't take that awaaaaaaay from meeeeeee.

Though clearly that can have my sanity.

-k

Blue eyeliner pencil, I think

Self-censorship is a strange thing. A few years back I wrote some blog entries about my struggles with my weight, a previous eating disorder, and my constant temptation to lose weight through the WRONG methods.

I'm struggling again.

Yet, I have stopped myself any time that I felt like blogging about it because I was worried what people might think or say in response.

I have to come to terms with the fact that no one thinks about me nearly as much as all that. I should blog about whatever I want to blog about because no one really cares all that much except me and it's a healthier way to get things off my chest. Bottling up is not a good thing.

I won't write a long entry about it. It's enough to say that my daemons are rearing their vicious little heads again and let it go at that.

I think I should go write all over my body with an eyeliner pencil, messages of love and gratitude for this body that gave me three wonderful healthy children, and then take a lovely bubble bath. THAT would be a healthier response. Pouring love and gratitude onto my body must be a better idea than seeing myself in the mirror with frustration and disgust, magnifying my flaws into ridiculous funhouse proportions.

Then, I'll come back to the bedroom - snuggle up in flannel pajama pants, and knit while watching a movie.

Yeah. That sounds like a plan.

Think I can get the kids to agree?

Me neither.

-k

Minimal Blogging

There have been several factors contributing to my blogging a lot less lately:

1. Facebook
I have been reconnecting with friends, interacting with family, playing silly little games, and generally wasting a bunch of time there

2. Working full-time

3. Dealing with some depression and a ton of stress

4. Knitting a lot more than normal, both to combat the depression and for holiday gifts

5. Self-censorship
This one is directly connected to #3. I found that I was blogging so negatively that I would rather not blog at all. I don't want to be a whiner. I don't want people to associate me with negativity. And I have become aware that some of you do actually read this thing, and some of what I say can actually come back to bite me. That startles me from time to time.

So, I will go back to mostly sharing funny kid stories, since those aren't objectionable.

Here's one: Katie loves to say "hi" but the rotten little ingrate still won't say Mommy. Her regular vocabulary includes "puppy", "bubba" (mostly for Ian but also for Cory), "Daddy", "Gramma", "want that" and "uh oh". She has also clearly said "no" on several occasions. She loves to shake her head no, and yesterday started nodding yes.

Ian yesterday announced that he didn't have to go back to preschool because although most of the kids in his class are "old", they are all also "small". We told him, as gently as we could, that this would be a problem most of his life and he should learn to deal with this gracefully as soon as possible.

-k

Her Majesty

When Mom picked me up from work today she informed me that Katie had not taken her afternoon nap. She'd had a little one mid-morning, as she sometimes does - but not her normal after lunch nap.

So, we ran our one quick errand and came home. And NOTHING would please Her Majesty. We tried playing outside. Nope. We tried playing inside. Nope. Books are always a sure fire winner... except today. We briefly loved our tubbie, but then we lost our balance and whacked ourselves in the mouth on the side of the tub and all was lost. Loudly.

So, we put on our pajamas and went to our room to sing and rock and rock and sing... and drool open-mouthed.

It's early, and she's sleeping... which means I will call it an early night too since it's likely to be an early morning.

-k

Yeah well... neener neener.

I'm taking the high road, and I have to say I don't like it up here. I would rather be on the mainstream, venting and letting someone who SEVERELY DESERVES IT know that he's a massive POOPY-FACE. But nasty little men like him always get their come-uppance. Or so I tell myself.

I will spare you the details. I will be as vague as possible. I will just say that there is someone who is being an extreme butthead, attacking me personally, and saying the most awful, unacceptable things about me, and that this jerkwad is hurting and upsetting my son.

I can take the slander. I can take the personal attacks because I KNOW they aren't true and that ultimately they just prove that this person is an idiot. I DRAW THE LINE AT HURTING MY CHILDREN. That's just flat out not okay under any circumstances and that will stop. NOW.

I happen to have PROOF in this person's own handwriting that things did not transpire as they are now loudly describing. However I believe that producing that proof would only hurt my son further, and as I said, that is unacceptable. So, I remain up here on the high road, trying to be mature and allowing that person to further hang themselves with the extra rope I've provided just for the occasion.

But, my inner child would certainly like to call them names and my inner bitch would certainly like to produce the handwritten letters that would decisively lay the issue to rest.

It sucks trying to be a responsible, mature adult sometimes.

-k

Suspend, suspend, enjoy!

We have a bad habit as a couple. We set things up to DVR, and then sort of let it go. We do have the excuse that we are the extremely busy parents of three attention-loving children. And eventually we start watching the backlog, and can decide whether we should continue to record this particular series or not. And if we DO like the series, then we can watch a BUNCH of it... and if we don't... then we didn't invest a lot of time in it.

And we had opposite results with the latest two installments in this pattern of behavior.

First, let me say that I am NOT a Christian Slater fan... and apparently, neither is anyone else. After all, before we've even watched the stuff we have on DVR, it's already been cancelled. No big loss in my opinion. Although, apparently his sidekick is the hilarious dude from the Time Warner ads. Michael kind of likes this show but feels that they tried to cover too much ground too quickly. I suppose I should mention the name of the show... My Own Worst Enemy. That's about all I know about that one.

Then we have Fringe. Now, I like this show quite a bit... and have to say that I did not expect to like it. Not only did I NOT expect to like it, I would never have predicted the reason I would like it so much. Two of the actors steal the show. First and foremost, the fantastically creepy John Noble, who may be best known for his role at the off-putting and creepy Steward of Gondor from the recent Lord of the Rings trilogy. In this series, he plays Dr. Walter Bishop, an incredibly gifted and deeply messed up biochemist who once worked for the government on "fringe" science before being locked up in a mental institute for 17 years. He's quirky, he's hysterical, and he's totally unpredictable. It's a very nuanced performance and Noble completely GOES FOR IT... which I respect and can't get enough of. Even more to my surprise, I'm developing a crush on Joshua Jackson, best known for being on Dawson's Creek, who plays his son, Peter. Peter is the "every man" in this scenario, albeit an every man with a 196 IQ and a fantastically dry sense of humor. He has to deal with the mostly unhinged Walter, and gets to work outside the guidelines that the female lead, an FBI agent, has to play inside. I'm not a huge fan of hers, although her American accent is excellent. The show would be worth it just for Peter and Walter, and happens to be very well-written. My one area of concern is that you have to go into every episode with a willingness to HUGELY suspend your disbelief. Most shows ask for at least a reasonable suspension of disbelief, particularly those in this sort of science fiction genre. This one asks you to completely disregard reality and just go with it. If you can, it is well worth the ride.

We watched a TON of these episodes in order to get caught up - and this biggest drawback to this habit is that once you get caught up... now you are spoiled and you don't want to wait an entire week to get your next fix.

So, now you know what I'll be watching Tuesday evenings... (No, NOT reruns of Dawson's Creek).

-k

Antidisestablishmentarianism

Things at the store have been disconcertingly quiet. This should be our busy time of year. It should be busy enough that we are hopping and hustling all day, and need both of us to be here full-time. This is the time of year when businesses make money and justify their expenses. Not so this year. Has us more than a little nervous.

Ah, but there's always a silver lining, right?

Here's a little tinge of the shiny stuff... Remember that game you played as teen-agers where you took some object (Cory prefers balled up socks, here at work we use the inside plastic piece from a roll of receipt paper) and take turns making increasingly wacky shots at a trash can? With a basketball and a hoop, this game would be referred to as "pig" or "horse"... We've been playing enough of it that it's turned into a game of "rutabaga" and I've still got it. (Now look back at the title). I can't make a straight normal shot, but I can make them behind my back, with my off hand, with my eyes closed, through my legs, and lying flat on the floor.

Yes, I know... stupid human tricks... hey, I only said it was a tiny little silver lining. The best part is that Cory thinks I'm wicked cool. And THAT is worth a lot.

-k

One quick fix

My husband is adorable, and I love him. And not just because of this little fix he's giving me for the crabbies.

One thing that makes me crazy is that we have such hard water at our house that my hair gets all crunchy from the residue left behind. I've tried apple cider vinegar rinses... which STINK and didn't work. I've tried baking soda rinses which made it worse. I've tried that swimmer's shampoo - which worked okay but was expensive and hard to find and smelled funny.

Michael did some research and tomorrow he's getting me a shower hose water filter! It's less than twenty bucks and will make me happy.

What a good man!

-k

Yup

Still in the Pants. Still trying to find a way out...

Will report back later...

-k

Yay but boo

I am just a fountain of ideas that are creative and cool... but don't seem to generate an income. And if I could figure out how to be independently wealthy - they are all things that I would love to do to occupy my time and be very happy and fulfilled personally.

And as great as that is, I don't see my creditors accepting my personal fulfillment in place of my financial responsibilities...

Sigh.

-k

Still crabby

Crabby pants appear firmly cemented in place...

More things to be grateful for:

* Love the song "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz, the song "Say" by John Mayer, and finding new songs to love that my children like too! It's a funny, strange thing to bond with Cory over VH-1. He's always impressed if I recognize songs, particularly if they are remakes so I already know the words.

* Still enjoying Facebook and being more in touch with friends. Going away to boarding high school meant that I had friends all over the world, however it also meant that I didn't have a lot of friends locally. And I like finally being back in touch with some of them.

* Coffee. Michael makes the best cup of coffee anywhere! And he won't tell me how because he says it is job security for him.

And I am going to go ask him for a cup of it... right now!

-k

Crabby Pants

I must admit that I'm wearing my crabby pants today. Instead of telling you all the reasons, which will just make me sound like a major whiner... I will instead focus on changing pants. I have a lot to be grateful for and that's where my attention needs to go.

* I have a wonderful husband whom I adore with all my heart. (who I adore or whom?)

* I have three gorgeous little monster children who are healthy. They are all such individuals, and I love that about them. There are undeniable reasons why each of my children is my favorite and I make an effort to spend special time with each of them as often as possible.
* I have the undeniably wonderful gift of being best friends with my mother, who has agreed to live with us and that's been a blessing on a daily basis, I hope for both of us.
* I live in a beautiful house with a beautiful yard.
* We have an adorable little dog who brings a lot of joy to all of us and will be even more fantastic when he gets the hang of the potty training.
* I have the opportunity to work with Michael on a daily basis through the holidays, and I love to spend more time with him.
* I love my country, even though it's made so decisions that worry me quite a bit lately. That's part of the beauty of the country.
* The weather has been cooler lately, and fall is my favorite season.
* I am truly enjoying knitting. I wanted to learn for years and was intimidated by how difficult I expected it to be, and this year I just decided it was time and taught myself. That's been very rewarding.

This year certainly hasn't gone how I would have liked it to. There were things I was SURE would happen this year that haven't. There have been things that hit me out of left field that I wasn't prepared for. But there is always such potential in life and in each of us. I am so grateful for all the things that I have had the opportunity to do and for all the things that are still to come.

I will do my best to think about these things, and not dwell on the things that seem so overwhelming and/or scary.

The ability to concentrate and to use your time well is everything if you want to succeed in business--or almost anywhere else for that matter. - Lee Iacocca

-k

Little Red Katie Hood

I recently discovered that Katie LOVES putting things on her head, any piece of clothing, and that she also loves capes. We were tying a blanket on as a cape for her, but I didn't like how it was attaching around her neck. So I took a deep breath, decided that there was no time like the present to develop my knitting confidence, and knitted this little red knitted hooded cape for her.
And quite apart from how ADORABLE the cape came out, just LOOOOOOK at those pigtails. Could you just die!

Not only is she gorgeous, she's wearing that Cocoa Roo goatee with style and confidence as well...

-k

New Quote

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it. - Jack Handey

Photo updates

This is the time of the year when I work full time at the Whoop Whoop... and although we aren't as busy as we TRULY NEED TO BE... it does mean that I won't be able to blog as much, so here is a bonanza of pictures... you may be able to pick out the ones from Halloween...

-k